I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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