Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
