Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
