this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
