wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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