The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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