Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
