...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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