Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
