as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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