The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
