I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize