tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize