My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
