I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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