i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
