I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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