Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize