Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
