i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
