Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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