I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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