Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
