Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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