Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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