Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
