I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
