How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize