Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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