Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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