I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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