you guys were way drunker than both of me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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