i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
