I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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