dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
