my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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