Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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