I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
