All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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