ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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