Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
