Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
