She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
