A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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