So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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