pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize