I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
