New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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