i permit you to call me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
