I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
