i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
bring money and cleavage
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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