i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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