Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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