i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
