2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
