Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
