Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am available for nakedness
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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