look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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