and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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