Where did you get a picture of my penis
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
