We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The ass gains better be worth it
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