the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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