You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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