I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize