evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
