yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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