Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
