When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He felt like a one man threesome
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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