Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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