i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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