True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
