Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
