You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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