I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
