Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
