Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
