Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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