this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
