He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
